


Random Encounters

by InterNutter



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: AU of an AU, Angus McDonald's true parentage, Gen, Luume'irma, We love him being an actual son of the Starblaster don't we?, heavily implied sexytimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-17 20:59:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 15,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13667172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterNutter/pseuds/InterNutter
Summary: In this version of Taako-is-Angus'-parent-because-reasons, the parenting happens more or less from birth. Because Luume'irma is a thing and it does drastically reduce any normal selection criteria to alive and willing.Sizzle it Up! With Taako has... shall we say... a regular guest star.And it's all seen through strangers' eyes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The Adventure Zone in general and the Balance Arc specifically belong to the McElroys. Luume’irma belongs to @interstellarvagabond on Tumblr and I should probably send them cookies or something. I just fuck around with all of those concepts for my own glee and maybe the torture of others.
> 
> AN: This is not related to Impossible Encounters by very much. There’s a spot or two where some plot points remain the same. I’ll see where my muse gets me.

They say nothing good happens at three in the morning. Sometimes it does. For instance, Goodie Culweather, member of the Temple of Mothers, had just seen triplets safely into the world. Two girls and a boy. Mother and sudden influx of children doing well.

She washed, of course, with the good carbolic and the remnants of the hot water. Always a good excuse to get expectant fathers out of the area. And then, as was her habit in the wee small hours after helping lives into the world, she stepped outside to stare at the stars. At least, that was her intent. She didn’t get much further than the street, because there was something else in the night besides herself.

At first, she thought it might be a cat. The luminous orbs in the dark seemed like they might be a cat’s eyes. Reflecting the moonlight her way. And then she noticed that those orbs were moving erratically. They were at the wrong height. And they were mismatched. One green one to the right as she saw it, one amber one. It ducked and weaved and wavered.

Those glowing orbs were attached to a humanoid figure. Barefoot. Slightly chubby. Short for an Elf, but those pointed ears gave it all away. They were definitely an Elf. And they were definitely in distress. Carrying something as if it were both very fragile and capable of exploding.

Goodie cast Light on a nearby stone in the Fullers’ shopfront. Turning a little patch of the world into colour.

The Elf was beautiful. Extraordinarily so. Sun Elf, judging by the dusky, dappled skin and golden hair. And very obviously fighting some form of affliction. As for the object in their arms, it was a swaddled bundle. A someone, not a something. Dark brown face.

The Elf, out of breath, registered her presence as if they’d been walking in a dream. “Huh… help?” they managed. “Help us?” The baby in their arms whined weakly. The Elf managed a stuttering, weak purr and gave the child a finger to suckle, which the infant rejected. “Don’t know shit… but it’s mine… Help?” Their mismatched eyes glazed over. They looked about ready to drop.

Goodie cooed, “I can help. I can help both of you,” as she gathered the infant into her arms. Not the newest in the world. Maybe a couple of weeks old. Mrs Fuller had her hands full with her three. This was going to be a job for the temple.

The Elf’s legs were trembling. His eyes were glassy. The blood was draining from his face. He retched, but didn’t produce anything but a few dangerous-sounding burps.

Well. She had two arms. Goodie offered the support of the other one. “Lean on me, dearie. It’s not far to go, now.”

It wasn’t far for a healthy person to walk. Or for a child to dash. But for a single human burdened with two people to hold? It sounded almost impossible. The infant set up a wail halfway there, which suited to summon the Night Nurse. One of their number who was always alert for the freshly-orphaned drop-off unwanted baby, or, like now, the disaster happening in the wee small hours.

The Night Nurse rang the bell, and those on call dashed out of the temple. Two to drag the Elf away, and another capable of feeding the infant.

Who, once they were in the light, was revealed to be a half-Elf infant. Definitely no more than a couple of weeks old. A boy. And wearing a little shirt that someone had stitched with a name. Angus.

Apart from being a very hungry little lad, Angus was fine. Healthy. No deformities. No sign as to why his mother was ill… And then Filo scurried up to her and had an urgent whisper.

“We were going to pump the adult, but he’s a he! Something’s happened to the mother, I’m sure of it.”

Goodie sighed. “I’m already awake for the day,” she announced, and took it on herself to follow the tracks. All the way back to a Stage Coach and a tiny Traveller’s wagon on the edge of town. All set up neat as a pin. And all devoid of any sign of life. Just the horse.

One side of the Stage Coach bore the legend  _ Sizzle it Up! With Taako. _ And a portrait of the beautiful Elf with cooking things flying around him.

Goodie pinned a scrap of paper to the Coach and wrote the words,  _ Coming soon! _ on it. Then returned to the temple. Where her sisters in the order were tending to the infirm.

Taako was resting in a bed, but blinking into consciousness as she entered. “Baby,” he said. “Where’s m’ baby? Don’ take ‘im… ‘s mine…”

“It’s all right,” cooed Mimow, who was nursing little Angus. “I have him right here.” She guided the dazed Elf’s reaching hand to caress the baby’s arm.

“Don’ take ‘im,” mumbled the Elf, still mostly out of it. “Don’ take ‘im…”

And considerate of that worry, Goodie made certain that little Angus was in a crib that his father could reach into. Then she sat and dozed in the nursing chair while Sister Mimow went out to help the Fullers with the triplets.

There was nothing else to be done for them, save take care of their needs.

A startled breath. A lurch of motion. Taako was upright, but his eyes were still vacant. Night Terrors. He faced Goodie Culweather but did not see her. “We can’t let it get a hold of this crystal…”

“It’s all right, now,” Goodie cooed. “Everything’s safe, now. You’re having a dream. Your baby’s safe, and so are you. And I asked our lawman to keep an eye on your wagons.”

Taako snorted and shook himself. “Where the fuck am I?” he asked, but at least he was awake, now.

They pieced it together, during that morning. Taako had gaping holes in his memory. He had no idea how he got to Mudwater Hollow, nor who he might have fathered Angus with, or what happened to his mother. He had a show to run, a baby to feed, and not a single seed of a clue as to how to do that simultaneously.

Taako learned a lot, that day. Starting with how to wear his baby in a special sling. How to feed the poor child goat’s milk from a bottle, and how to properly subdue a goat in order to obtain said milk. In lieu of a wetnurse -which Taako certainly couldn’t afford- a goat provided the next best thing. Short of him using a spell to enchant his own chest for as long as his baby needed him, and thereby enhancing his own very nebulous gender presentation.

Taako spent one day trying to manage with a goat, and went with the chest augmentation. And all that went with it.

He ran his show for a week in Mudwater Hollow, and that was the last they saw of him there.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a year, and the Hunger still hadn’t found them. Sure, there were wars over the Relics, but it was still better than letting an entire planar system get eaten.

She woke up, sore all over. Naked. Pillowed on the naked bodies of her fellow crew. Gods. It had been literal decades since they’d had a fuckpile. Most of the time, it was a hugpile, and everyone kept their pants on.

The twins still smelled fucking gorgeous.

Right. Luume’irma.

They must have entered their erratic cycle quick and dirty, and the abundant pheromones had encouraged everyone else to get just as quick and dirty, too. It was part blowing off steam. Part life affirmation. Part drunken revelry. Part… just trying to feel something.

Their plan was working. They knew it. This world and who knew how many others was safe from the Hunger, but not itself. The world below the hidden decks of the Starblaster was tearing itself apart.

She extracted herself carefully from the snoring, purring, mumbling pile of bodies and, since she couldn’t find any of her clothes in the wrecked rec room, stumbled naked towards her own quarters. Pausing at the bathroom to see to her base biological needs and to catch some of the hot water before the twins hogged it all.

They needed a plan B. Watching this world go to pieces wasn’t any better for morale than watching the Hunger eat it. She could already see the damage it was doing to her crewmates. Her friends. Her loves. Her lovers. There wasn’t a word for what the crew of the Starblaster were to each other, by now. Conventional definitions didn’t fit for what they had.

She got her basic kit on. Underwear. Robe. A fresh tie for her hair to keep her pale curls out of her eyes. And a huge tome for Fisher. Some past planet’s tax laws. As she watched the brick of a book disappear into Fisher’s tendrils, she thought again of making the world forget about the Relics.

About making her crewmates fit into this world. So much like the one they started from.

They could be happy… if they didn’t remember...


	3. Chapter 3

It was one hell of a storm. You would have to be some kind of idiot to be out in this shit. Magnus was one such idiot and looking for Mr Waxmen’s mule. Who he had found. Yay. But now he didn’t know how to get back to Ravensroost.

But there was a light in the darkness, so he lead the mule towards that slim hope.

He couldn’t see much in the raging weather, so he didn’t know it was a tiny little Traveller’s wagon until he was right up to it. He spent a minute or two under the equally tiny eaves near the door before he risked knocking on it.

He interrupted an Elf breastfeeding.

“Whoops.” Magnus covered his eyes. “Sorry to interrupt. Uh. It’s a shitty night out. Um. Can I… borrow… some space?”

“Yeah, sure, my kid’s nearly done. No sweat.”

It was a tiny little caravan. Just enough room for two adults to sleep and change. The Elf inside dug up some towelling and said, “Dry yourself off before you soak literally everything you touch. Thanks.”

Some of them were suspiciously small squares.

“Oh chill. They’re clean.” The kid had darker skin than the parent. “Nothin’ better for mop-ups than terry-toweling.” Practiced moves took a towelling diaper and slung it over one shoulder. “Useful for all sorts of shit. Trust ch’boy.”

Magnus didn’t want to say anything. But his eyes gave him away. He was staring at the baby. Then at the Elf’s ethereally feminine face. And then to the definite package in his pants.

“Yeah, Elves are super androgynous. I’m a single dad with a baby, and I can’t handle goats for shit, so…” A shrug. “There’s a charm. A spell. And it lasts as long as he needs it.” The baby was finished and the Elf tucked himself in, shifting the child to a shoulder. “So what’s your story, Tall, muscular, and dripping?”

“I lost my boss’ ass,” said Magnus. “Then I got my ass lost.”

A smirk as he burped his baby. Half-elf. “That would be the donkey you had with. Right.” The baby burped, only spitting up a little. “There’s my good little angel…”

The kid was bright-eyed, and stared at Magnus in the confused way that all babies seemed to greet strangers. Bright eyes that were dark, not like the amber/green heterochromia of his father. The Elf dandled his kid on his knee. “I suppose we should introduce ourselves. This storm’s gonna last a while. I’m Taako. From--” and he said a word that was distinctly Elven, but sounded like ‘te le vi zion’. “And this sweet little angel is Angus.”

“That’s… not an Elven name?”

“It’s the name he came with.” Taako extracted a tiny shirt from inside a pillow. It had the name Angus stitched into the front. “My best guess is mama dropped him off and then zapped me so I didn’t remember her and bite her for child support. Eh. She was probably a bitch.”

“I’m Magnus Burnsides,” he offered his hand. “You wouldn’t know the best way to get to Ravensroost, would you?”

“Not until the storm clears, pal. Might as well bunker in. You et yet?”

His stomach growled worse than the thunder.

Taako smirked. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’.” Baby on his hip, he reached up into a little cupboard and took out a small basket. Filled with dense cubes of what looked like muesli. “These are a good meal replacement. Not quite lembas, not quite iron rations, not quite Dwarven Rock cakes… A little bit of each, really. And a dash of Gnomic Pemmican, come to think of it. I can do a month’s supply in a day, so it’s no big.” He handed one to Magnus. Nibbled on one himself.

It was not quite bread. Not quite gorp. Not quite… anything really. But it  _ was _ delicious and made his stomach settle down like an old cat by a fireplace. “Wow. These are really good. Do they have a name?”

“Not officially. See, I need something cool-sounding and delicious. ‘Nom cubes’ doesn’t cut it, and if I’m going to name a food after myself, it’s gotta be special. And this isn’t… I dunno… special  _ enough. _ You know?”

“I dunno. These seem pretty special to me. Taako’s Tasty Cubes. No. Taako’s Tasty Bars.”

“Tasty Bars has a ring to it. Means I can’t make cubes out of ‘em, but it’ll do. Thanks homie.” He rocked the baby and started to purr. Soft and rhythmic like the tide.

Magnus couldn't help but grin. Elves generally held themselves above the rest of the world, and would never admit to any animalistic part of their nature. Thus, it was rare for a human like himself to hear an Elf purr.

And it was having the same effect on the baby as it was having on Magnus. Eyes were getting heavy. Yawns were abundant. He sort of leaned against the upright of the bunk opposite Taako's.

And woke tucked into it, facing an empty bunk and a half-Elf baby sleeping in the drawer below.

Kid was going to outgrow that arrangement in just a few months.

The caravan was moving, and it sounded like there was a bigger wagon, too. We're they in a train? Magnus carefully gathered his boots and squirmed out of the tiny door to the front. Which was coupled up to an enormous Stage Coach.

And so was Steven’s ass. The donkey seemed fine with plodding along at a lazy pace. Magnus put his boots on and hopped off, running to the front of the Stage. On his way, he passed the huge sign on the side. Sizzle it Up! With Taako.

He clambered up on the driver's bench. “Good morrow! Did I sleep in or did you get an early start?”

“Little bit of both, hombre,” answered Taako. “Gotta get to Ravensroost asap. Sooner I’m doing a show, the sooner baby gets new clothes.”

“Well, I’m going back there. I can show you the quickest way.”

“Long as the road’s not too rough,” Taako allowed. “Don’t want to wake the kid.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains chain swears that some audiences may not be prepared for. Prepare yourself.

She was the first one up because that was when her stomach wanted to kill her. Retching bile into the head. Drinking cool water as quietly as possible and desperately trying not to throw that up. After it failed to pass inside a week, she realised.

She hadn’t had her menses inside of two months.

_ Oh shit. _

Before, when they only had a year in each world, this sort of thing ceased being a problem. Their bodies reset with every world, and any dirty little secrets vanished with it. Not that it was a problem very often, because of the chain around her waist, charmed with Baby’s Bane.

Or it would have been around her waist if it weren’t for that sneak thief in that inn who had stolen it, when she was leaving her Relic in the world below.

_ Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! _

And she hadn’t thought about replacing it. She’d been pre-occupied with soothing the spirits of her crewmates… and then there’d been the fuckpile…

_ Fuck shit bum bollocks dick arse cunt wanking willy willy tits! _

Finding out whether she was or she wasn’t pregnant was a simple scry. Some of her morning pee in a small bowl. A drop of ink into that. A prayer to both the Virgin and the Mother.

Circle meant ‘not’. A cross or an X meant ‘pregnant’.

She kept all the paraphernalia in the bathroom as she went through the ritual.

The ink formed an X.

She was pregnant.

“Fuck,” she whispered.

She couldn’t deal with this right now. She had so much to do. So much to arrange. So much to consider. She didn’t need to work out who the father was. She didn’t want to tell anyone.

She couldn’t deal with this now. She’d deal with it later. When everything was squared up.


	5. Chapter 5

The Elf was wearing a crisp chef’s uniform and an apron with the words  _ Sizzle it Up! _ on it. He had a baby tied to his back and a folded piece of towelling on his shoulder for the infant’s fluids. The infant in question was absently mouthing at the towelling.

“Hey,” he said. “You got any books about raising half-Elves that  _ don’t _ assume that the reader is a human mom who’s been knocked up and abandoned? And can you be quick? I’m between shows.”

Librarian Denree blinked at the -frankly gorgeous- Elf. “Uh. Uh. No. Sorry. Um. No such book has been written because… uh. No Elf has ever hung around to raise their… um… half Human offspring.”

The Elf sighed, “Well, fuck. Fine. Is there one that’s like,  _ mostly _ about the medical and development side of things? Milestones and shit like that? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure my boy’s teething early, only I’m not certain ‘cause of the human side of it, and I dunno, but… There might be something wrong with his eyes?”

Denree stared at this Elf. He was unconventional in every way. Mismatched eyes. Overweight. Undertall. And looking after a half-Elf child with evident passion. “You’d have had it so much easier if you’d just dropped the kid off at a temple,” she said. “Any temple.”

The Elf glared at her. “One, fuck you. Two, and any horse you ride on. Three, this kid is the only family I  _ got. _ Like fuck am I letting him go.” One arm reached back to pet the kid’s head. Absently letting the baby gnaw on a finger.

“Okay,” Denree allowed. And, “I’m sorry. I just assumed…”

Another glare, cold as ice. “Any  _ decent _ librarian should know what happens when you  _ assume,” _ he iced. “I came to the house of my God for aid, and I get vile  _ assumptions, _ and judgement from one who should be focussing on the assistance.”

Denree could feel her face growing hot. “I have one book where the issues of abandonment are limited to one easily-skipped chapter. Do you have anything to exchange?”

“I was prepared for this,” he said, and dug a book out of a pocket in the apron he wore. A book with his face on it. Entitled  _ Sizzlin’ it Up! _ by Taako. “An offering to Oghma.” And there was a sheaf of papers he added to the deal. “And these are a percentage of my original notes, that I was going to give to a friendly librarian who was understanding to our needs.” Those went pointedly back into his apron pocket. While Taako stared, unblinking, into Denree’s eyes.

“I get it,” she sighed. “One minute, please.”

“I have ten,” said Taako. And started drumming his manicured fingers on the countertop.

Denree knew exactly where the book he needed was. She ran to the portion of the archives and ran a quick spell to duplicate the book.  _ What to Expect When Raising a Half-Elf. _ The one amongst all of the Half-Elven child-rearing manuals that was the least racist. Two percent racist was still, unfortunately, racist.

She grabbed the copy and dashed back. “Here we are, sir. And once again, I apologise for my… attitude.”

“Which one’s the shit chapter?” asked Taako.

“It’s the first one.”

Taako nodded and slid across his own book. “You look like you might get a lot out of page one thirty-two.” He made his farewells and left the library reading. Out loud. In the singsong voice anyone might use to read to a child.


	6. Chapter 6

The twins were smug, as she entered the kitchen. Grinning at her like the Cheshire cat that had found the canary in the unguarded cream. One was already cooking up something that made her mouth water and the other was deliberately pouring a glass of lemonade instead of wine.

“I’ll just assume you know,” she sighed. Elves could smell things on others that others didn’t know about. “I already scried it. I’m… pregnant.”

The other rushed forward to hug her. “Grats, babe. I assume you want it?”

“I… don’t know,” she confessed. “I don’t even know who the father is. It… it happened during the fuckpile. It could be anyone’s.”

The one already cooking whistled backwards. “We had Luume’irma for that. Ch’yeah. It could for reals be everyone’s.”

“Not me,” said the other. “I literally can’t. Only other woman on board.”

“Might as well be everyone’s,” he plated up the cooking. Something with lots of iron and ginger. Judging by the smell, his twin had been confiscating the garlic pretty hard.

The twin who was now seating her down for the lemonade and the steaming plate. “This baby automatically has a fucking host of aunt and uncles. And despite my dumb brother’s motor mouth, we can keep a secret. And, when it gets bigger, we can listen for heartbeats.”

“Yeah, if there’s two, then it’s mine,” said the brother. “Twins don’t just run in our bloodline.”

“They gallop,” said his sister. “Twins all over the place. Even a few fraternal ones.”

“Loads of identicals,” said the brother. “Our grampa was twins with our grunkle, our mom and our aunt were twins. Our uncles were twins. Grunkle’s kids and grandkids were all identical…”

Her heart sank in abject terror. The mere concept of twin half-Elves gestating in her womb. She’d heard about the trouble that twins could cause on their mother. The discomfort. The problems they could have by being underdeveloped. The potential for premature delivery. And the doubled agony of delivery, too. And raising them…

She didn’t want to think about that. She didn’t want to think about any of it. “I don’t want to think about it,” she said. “There’s so much to fix, I can’t think about it, now.”

“Nine to twelve months,” said the sister. “That’s plenty of time, babe.”


	7. Chapter 7

Jess the Beheader had wandered far from the WWE wagon train, and then she heard a baby wailing. She got her Stone of Farspeech out and tuned into her manager’s frequency. “Hey. I can hear a baby out here. Gonna investigate.”

“Sure,” said the manager. “You got a soulbound axe, you’ll be fine.”

She followed the wailing through the forest, and found another wagon camp. Another travelling show. Sizzle it Up! With Taako.

_ Taako. _

_ That _ asshole.

Their main competition for ticket money. The fabulously gorgeous Elven chef with an atrociously cute baby that he wore on his back for every show. She had to admit, ad-libbing with the baby’s interruptions was a huge win on the audience. He was so much of a challenge that Jess’ manager kept asking if she wanted to be a mom.

Sure, Dwarven babies  _ could _ also be used as offensive weapons, but she didn’t yet want to lose her girlish figure.

The campfire was going, and there was something brewing in a pot nearby. There were some cupcake pans. And there was the Elf trying to comfort his angrily teething young. As with all teething babies, this youngster preferred parental fingers to anything else to chew.

“Not long now, angel,” Taako cooed. “It has to steep, baby.”

The baby kept crying and gnawing on Taako’s fingers.

Jess couldn’t help gloating. “Well, this can’t be good for your ratings, chef.”

“It’s a temporary setback, wrestler,” said Taako. “Something my Angus can’t help.” He winced as sharp, brand-new teeth worked on his fingers. He used his other hand to take a wand out of the braids in his hair and move things around with the power of his mind.

Pouring perfume-scented tea into the cupcake pans. Ray of Frost on the same, and then levitating the frozen chunks of tea into a terrycloth for presumably-Taako-Junior to chew on instead of its father.

“You’re a  _ wizard _ as well?” Jess boggled.

A smirk on his too-beautiful face. “Eh. It comes in handy. Always helps to have that little somethin-somethin to pep up a show, right? Ms. The Beheader?” The rest of the ice patties went into a Chill Box as Taako’s baby gnashed at the towel-bound ice and calmed the fuck down.

“Yeah?” she said, summoning her axe. “And what’s stopping me from lopping your head clean off right now? I could steal that cute little ratings ticket off of your still warm corpse.”

Taako very calmly twiddled with his wand. “You have no idea what spells I know and how many slots I have left. I’ve been using cantrips so far. I’ve survived a lot of shit before today, and muscle-bound thugs threatening me are really no big deal.”

There was a moment of uncertainty. Each sizing up the other in a calculating fashion.

_ “Or…” _ said Taako. “You and your WWE buddies do the foraging for me and I do the cooking for you. I will literally cook  _ anything _ you and your cohort, your little coterie, decide to haul my way. Best road food you ever tasted. Guaranteed.”

Come to think of it, some grub cooked by the self-titled best chef in Faerun could be a nice change from Grokol’s burned offerings. She raised her stone to her face. “Hey, boss. You’ll never guess who I found. And he’s got an offer you won’t wanna refuse...”


	8. Chapter 8

Forty years worth of journals down. Sixty to go. She was now in her second trimester and she still didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to think about where the only other woman in the crew had vanished to. Gone without a trace.

Her absence left a huge hole in everyone’s hearts. Her brother and her lover felt it the most keenly. Devoting hours out of their days, days out of their weeks, to try and find her. Not knowing how or why she hadn’t come back. Neither of those who loved her most could find her.

There was only a note with two words -  _ Back soon. _

There was no way she would leave her brother or soulmate for this long with no other clue to work with. Something had to have happened to her. Not even death would have stopped her from getting some message to them.

She gave up on her sister crewmate. Going back on her previous work and making sure that that work was done thoroughly. This was a mercy. This was a reprieve for them. She would suffer where they would not. They deserved happiness. They needed it.

She rose and stretched. Painfully aware of the swell of her belly and the inability of her robes to hide it, any more. Four months to go, if it were a human baby. Up to seven if it wasn’t. The sole remaining twin was too caught up in looking for his sister to listen for heartbeats. As far as she knew, everyone else was in the dark. And according to the clock, everyone else was asleep.

She could creep out and get food.

The kitchen was overflowing with food. He’d been stress-baking again. Easy for her to grab a heaping helping of deliciousness and a huge mug of tea and vanish again without anyone being the wiser.

Except her Captain was there. Hidden by the central table. He looked up automatically, because he was a Gnome and literally less than half her height. And instantly saw what she’d been trying to hide.

“You okay with that?” he indicated her swelling belly.

“I don’t even know,” she said. “It’s too late to do anything about it by now, but… everything’s up in the air. I don’t want to think about what could happen next…”

“You know who you should be talking to about it,” said her Captain. “Do I need to make it an order?”

She sighed. It was inevitable. “No. I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“I’ll send him your way and make sure you do.”

She collected her supplies and retreated to the privacy of her quarters. She couldn’t think about that, right now. She couldn’t think about any of it, right now.

They could never know she was betraying them.


	9. Chapter 9

The beautiful Elf still had the baby with him. A year and chump change old, now. Bespectacled, now. And toddling around the show’s camp in training pants and tiny Boots of Good Fit. And a shirt that bore the same picture as the Stage Wagon. And a word on the back in all capitals.

_ Crew. _

Sazed stayed for every show, paying five pennies for each one. Even after a year, this was still every hope that Sazed had in his heart. He took that long to build up his courage. He waited until all the others had gone. Approached the beautiful Elf… and realised that what he had thought was a girl was a dude.

Didn’t matter. Didn’t matter. This was still his ticket the fuck out of Mudwater Hollow. And journeying to Pig’s Bend didn’t make it any better. He needed a job with new opportunities.

“Uh.” Sazed cleared his throat. “Are you hiring? ‘Cause it looks like you could use an extra pair of hands. I know you won’t trust me with your kid, straight up, but… I can read and write and do math. I can drive a cart. I can shift the heavy stuff around. Things like that?”

“Great,” said Taako. “You can start with my accounts,” and he brought out a book from a box under the table. “I gotta count coins five times before I get two numbers the same. If you can figure out where I’m losing money, that would be fan-fucking tastic.” He gave Sazed a pencil, and a lantern, and went inside the little caravan to check on his kid, who had gone to bed between the dinner show and the two Taako After Dark shows that had a lot more cussing.

He was forced to sit outside in the night, doing math by the light of a lamp and with the interference of insects.

Taako came back out with a mug of coffee and a bowl of stew, both of which he gave to Sazed. “Anything yet?”

“Uh. Yeah. If you charged tuppence more per seat, you could get a profit out of this show, straight off.” He showed his working, because that was what his teacher insisted on viewing.

Taako puzzled at it for a moment. “I’ll take your word for it, but I’ll have to start in the next town. Mind working for meals between now and then, handsome?”

“Sure. I got my own bedroll, so I won’t barge in on you and yours. And face it, your meals are the  _ best.” _

“You’re already hired, you don’t need to suck up to your boss.”

“But… that’s my actual opinion.” He ate the stew carefully, so that he didn’t spill any. It warmed his heart, his belly, and his soul. The coffee was strong and sweet. Just what he needed. “Thank you,” he said.

“Not yet, you don’t,” said Taako. “The hours suck, the work is hard, and the food on the road is nowhere near the quality of the stuff on show. The plus side is that you get any and all leftovers. If there are any.”

There hadn’t been many spare dishes, tonight. “How much do you spend on trenchers for the servings?”

Taako’s manicured nails tapped an entry. “I get them bulk at a place that machines them.”

“I know I heard about some cheaper ways to do it,” he said. “There’s a merchant? Fantasy Costco? They’re… uh… a franchise, I think. There’s one in the west? And they do this… edible partyware? It’s made out of like, real tough bread, but it’s cheap and you don’t have to wash any of it.”

“I’m not gonna loan you my horse so you can bring me samples. We don’t know each other. Uh. How far is it on foot?”

Sazed shrugged. “I know it’s half a day on the milk cart…”

“Well, you’ve got tomorrow to sell them to me. I’m here for three more days. I can spare three silver. That and food is all I got to offer.”

“Got it,” said Sazed, “My name’s Sazed Baker, by the way. I saw your show when he was new?” half a gesture towards the Traveller’s caravan. “You made a lasting impression.”

“That was Cooking With Baby, right? Mudwater Hollow?”

“Yeah,” Sazed brightened. “I doubt you remember me…”

“You’d win money if that was a bet. One year of shows every other week, the faces all get to be a blur.”

“You must have been all over Faerun in that year…”

“More or less. I try to avoid the tiny places. Gotta watch the overhead 'n’ all.”

Taako picked up the box. Took it into the caravan. “Good luck with it all. I just… can’t math well.”

Well, that was true. Taako kept a seat count for each venue, and tried to match it with ticket sales, which had three different counts. Earliest shows were an unsolvable mess. Sazed worked backwards from the expenditures. Taako was pretty good at wheedling a deal. The words,  _ plus endorsement, _ happened to appear quite a lot in the expenses.

He’d have to teach this Elf double-entry book-keeping.


	10. Chapter 10

Nine months. She was sick of being pregnant. She was sick of everyone knowing. She was sick of her crewmates touching her. She was absolutely tired of waiting for labor to commence.

Peeing for two (or three), waddling everywhere she went. Getting her insides kicked around. The cleric insisted that her baby or babies “weren’t cooked yet”. Being told that she wasn’t enormous enough for the kid or kids to be done. Even if she were having a half-Gnome or a half-Dwarf.

Trying to make her arrangements were strangled at every minute by hyper-anxious crewmen hovering around her. Their security chief was the most strung out. He was the baby of the crew, and heavily freaking out. He’d always worn his emotions on his sleeve.

She couldn’t move forward with her plans when there were five expectant fathers hovering around her like moths around a lantern. Three, really. Two of them were still wearing themselves out searching for her sister-crewman.

She caught their missing crewman’s brother leaning on her after she’d conked out on the couch. One pointed ear up to where the baby or babies liked to kick.

“One heartbeat,” he announced. “You’ve only got one little bun in the oven, there.” He rose, looking haggard. “It probably ain’t mine, so it shouldn’t be long, now. I’m gonna crash for as long as I can, and then we’re out again. There’s a lead of sorts.”

“You’ll find her,” she lied. The baby started kicking again.

She didn’t want to think about this. She didn’t want to think about any of it.


	11. Chapter 11

“...and to show you just how much little hands can help, I have my own little helper. Say ‘hello’ Angus.”

“Hello, Angus,” chirped the tiny little child on the Stage Coach.

Ripples of laughter washed around her. But she could tell that it was a rehearsed line.

Abby McDonald edged closer to the show’s roadie. The young human man seemed disinterested in everything. Gods that little boy was cute. He had hardly any Elven traits. With a cap or a hat, those points would vanish in his abundant curls.

“Excuse me,” she murmured to the roadie. He was minding the merch table.

“There’s an hour between showings, the shirts are the hottest sellers, and if you want a signed cookbook, you have to wait for after the sample serving. We’re fresh out of the pre-signed ones.”

Okay. That spoke volumes about the other people who came to talk to this young man during the show. “No. I -uh- wanted to talk to you about the child who’s on the stage.”

Further extreme disinterest. The young man took a deep breath. “His name is Angus, he’s Taako’s son, nobody knows what happened to the mother, and he’s doing perfectly fine. Kid’s smart as a whip, half our budget goes to any education we can grab and his stupid kid detective novels, we’re fine with clothes and no, you can’t adopt him, Taako would fucking kill you if you tried.” He ticked off his fingers as he spoke. “Angus is still a little too young for signing autographs, so he has a stamp. Did that answer all of your questions?”

It did, actually. “He doesn’t look very much like his father,” she whispered.

The young man smacked his forehead. “That’s the one I forgot. Yeah. He got most of his genes from his mother, wherever she is.”

Abbie sighed. “I wanted to be his mother…”

“You and every other woman in the audience, lady.”

“Is it difficult?” she asked. “Raising that little boy and running the show?”

“Half our budget,” said the man. “If we didn’t have a show, he wouldn’t eat.”

Abbie considered this. Thought about the people she knew. About the deals that could benefit this little boy and this beautiful Elf and his business. “I know some people. I’d like to arrange a sponsorship. If you and your boss would like to talk about it.”

_ Now _ he was interested. “If you want to give us money, we can talk all you like.”

She waited politely until after the Late Show, which was considerably funnier for Taako’s potty mouth and glib ability for a raunchy joke. Humour that the young Angus slept through. The Millers would love this, she knew. A chef like Taako could really show off some of their Fantasy Food Processors and other kitchen gadgets.

She waited even longer for most of the audience to buy their merchandise and autographs and file away into the night.

“Taako from Tiivii?” she offered her hand. “My name is Abbie McDonald and I’d like to offer you a deal.”

“It’s actually short for Tre Llew-Ddion, and my son is not for sale, rent, or adoption,” he said. Practiced words. Smooth and easy in his mouth.

“Oh. No. I understand that. My husband and I are shareholders in Miller Labs, you see.”

“Good for you. What’ve I got to do with elevator people?”

“They don’t just do elevators. They’re inventing all kinds of devices, Pantry boxes charmed to keep food cold and fresh, ovens where the user can control the temperature, machines that can slice, dice, and julienne… all you have to do is visit the labs in Rockport and see what they have to offer. Talk to my husband August and Mr Julian Miller. Show them what you can do already and see what you can do with what they have to offer. We’d supply you with the devices, a set of order catalogues for your audience, and pay for every kind of food supplies you like. And… help you pay for everything your son needs.”

“This sounds too good to be true, what’s the catch?”

Abbie allowed herself a mournful smile. “I fell in love with your son. If -Gods forbid- anything happened to you… I’d… I’d like to become his next of kin.”

“Dude,” said the young human man at his side. “The McDonalds are fucking loaded. This is a goddamn sweetheart deal.”

“You’re not gonna get my kid,” said Taako. “Taako plays it real cautious.”

“It’s… a potential offer.” Abbie blushed. “I haven’t even told my husband about this kid.”

Taako was measuring her up. “Why mine? There’s gotta be hundreds of kids wanting to be adopted.”

“He’s clearly a brilliant boy. A brilliant boy could go places with McDonald funds. A more… normal child… would just become a brat. I have no desire to raise a brat, Mr Taako.”

“Just Taako. No ‘mister’. Angus is the only family I have, so… no family name.”

“War orphan,” said the young human man. “Lost his family name in the upsets.”

“Very boring story,” said Taako. “Hardly worth bothering about. There’s hundreds out there like me.”

“Sir,” said Abbie. “You are beyond unique.”


	12. Chapter 12

She was overdue. Way overdue. Still too huge for it to be a half-Dwarven or half-Gnomish baby. It weighed her down so much that she had to wonder if she somehow forgot having unprotected sex with an ogre.

Everyone was hovering except the lover and the remaining twin. Jumping at her every sigh and eager to wait on her hand and foot. Whenever she left the nest that was her room, there was an escort. Even her captain hovered nearby, though she’d squash him flat if she tried to use him as a support.

“This is getting ridiculous,” she moaned. She had so much to do. She had so much to arrange. She had so many plans that this pregnancy and the hovering expectant fathers/uncles were major league impeding. She was tired all the time and barely had a minute without someone poking their head into her space.

So  _ much _ that this baby was getting in the way of. And it wasn’t even born yet.

“Maybe he got it wrong,” suggested her captain. “Maybe it’s triplets and their heartbeats are synchronised.”

“Oh, gods no,” she huffed. Wincing at one of the practice contractions that was coming in pretty strong. As they had for the past couple of days. “I don’t even want to think about…” Ow. “One baby.”

“Well, you better start thinking,” said her captain. “I think those contractions are getting pretty real.” He called for their security chief. Getting him to take her for a walk around the edge of the deck while their captain went and roused their Cleric.

“There’s no…” Ouch. “Need t’ fuss.” Oof. “This has been…” Okay. Maybe it was getting pretty strong. “Going on for days…”

“Yup,” agreed their security chief. “And now it’s getting serious.” He rubbed her back. “It’s baby time. It’s baby time  _ right now.” _

Oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh spite, oh hell. She did  _ not _ want to think about this.

But she had to.

It was  _ time. _


	13. Chapter 13

Rockport. City on the grow.

August McDonald picked out the Stage Wagon and the Traveller’s Caravan in a cold second. Everything that belonged to Rockport was hyper-modern and some of it was ahead of the crowd. This was… pretty mainstream. Elaborate, but still using what August thought of as run-of-the-mill stuff.

He watched as the show wagons entered the McDonald estates. Where the little figures on the driver’s seat huddled up next to each other. The smallest one clinging to the most ostentatious one in the completely ridiculous wizarding hat. Both of them very close to the driver/roadie/dogsbody that was Sazed Baker.

He’d done his homework on this little roadshow. Three people, if you included the little kid with the show. Taako and his son, and a kid who had been fresh out of Mudwater Hollow a mere three years ago. They were already successful, despite competing against a big draw like the WWE. From what he’d heard, the two shows had an on-road pact. The WWE provided camp security, and Taako provided victuals for the wrestlers and crew.

Sometimes, they even teamed up on the road. Taako providing fair food for the WWE audiences and selling meals by the edible bowl.

“They’re here,” said August, rousing Abbie from her book. Arm in arm, they travelled downstairs to greet their new guests.

Taako apparently had the typical Elven gift of falling backwards through a Goodwill bin and emerging on the other side looking like a fashion plate. His clothing wasn’t new, but it was clean and carefully kept. The same with Angus’ clothing as well as Mr Baker’s. There was, apparently, an abundance of  _ Sizzle it Up! _ printed shirts. Though Mr Baker’s and Angus’ had the word  _ CREW _ across the back.

Taako swept them an ornate bow, replete with swishing his hat about. “Mr and Mrs McDonald. Hail and well met. Allow me to introduce my road manager, Sazed Baker, and my darling son, Angus.”

Angus offered his hand. “Hello, sir. Hello, ma’am. I’m glad you have big things planned for my Papa.”

“Of course you are, it means more Caleb Cleveland books for you, doesn’t it?”

August grinned. “You like Caleb Cleveland, little man?”

“No sir. I love it! It’s the best!”

August chuckled as the child infodumped. He was such a bright little lad. Almost nothing like his father. He had a lot of cantrips down pat, and could memorise things at almost a prodigy level. This child deserved the world. He could see why Abbie wanted him for herself.

But that was not to be. After a day of rest in one of the guest suites, Taako would be showing the McDonalds his repertoire. And August was eager to see what Taako could do with a modern kitchen. Everyone knew that Elves were behind the times. It came with living for centuries. But then… everyone knew that Elves abandoned their half-human kids. And everyone knew that Elves stole children.

Everyone, August decided, was an idiot.

They would see a child with darker skin, and myopic eyes, and judge harshly that this half-Elven child was someone else’s progeny, stolen by the golden-haired and slightly fairer Taako from some human. August saw the little details. The matching Darwinian points on their ears. The similarity of their dentition. The length and make of their fingers. The width and angle of their cheekbones.

This was indeed father and son. Made from the same clay, but with different colouring.

August saw the wagons away in the stables. Protected from the weather for however long they were going to stay. He knew Taako preferred local produce, so all stores were more permanent things, like dried herbs and spices. Sealed containers of grain. Things like that.

He ordered the Ostler to renew the wards against vermin, and then showed the crew of  _ Sizzle it Up! _ to their suites.

The bed in Taako’s suite was larger than two of his Stage Wagon put side to side. The ensuite had the latest that Miller Labs had to offer. Hot and cold running water. Massage settings. Soap dispensers. Everything.

“Hachi machi,” murmured Taako. “Do you have a prybar? You’re gonna need it to get me outta  _ that.” _ A sweeping gesture took in the entirety of the ensuite. “I’m gonna pamper my fudge-makin’ brains out.”

Angus was already bouncing on the bed, but not like it was a trampoline. He had taken a swan dive into the padded surface. “Papa! The bed’s like a cloud! You should come feel this!”

“This is star treatment,” said August. “You deserve it.”

Taako boggled at him. “I hope you’re giving Suzu the same treatment. Wouldn’t want him to get even more jealous.”

“Pardon?”

“Papa has pet names for people,” explained Angus. “Suzu is Mr Baker. I get ‘Ango’, ‘Angel’ and sometimes, ‘Agnes’.” His dark eyes darted to his father and he bit his lip. This was not full disclosure. There was at least one nickname that he didn’t want to disclose. “They’re terms of affection. The closer they are to your real name, the more likely it is that he likes you.”

Taako flopped onto the bed. “Ooohhh…. Yes! Gods. I’m living here. I am not shifting off of here in a million bajillion. This beats the livin’ fudge out of our caravan, Baby.” He turned slightly and said, “Seriously, Mac. I mean it about treating Suzie the same as me. He’s been with us for literally most of my Angels’ life. He deserves a few perks, yanno?”

It was so good of him to remember his people. Even when it was one person. “I’ll upgrade Mr Baker’s accommodations immediately.”


	14. Chapter 14

The remaining twin was purring. Something she hadn’t heard in… shit. Since his sister had gone missing. He was seated beside her birth-bed and holding a solitary, swaddled bundle in his arms. He noticed her open eyes and said, “I’m stealing this baby. He’s mine.”

A quasi-racist joke. Elves were said to steal infants. When it was way more likely that an Elf under the influence of luume’irma would scoop up abandoned kids in the woods or on doorstops and wake up with a new family. Bonded during the lull. And the Elves would do their best because part of them already loved the infant.

She remembered passing out somewhere during the process. And small wonder. This kid was a healthy weight. A bruiser. A big baby boy.

“He has your eyes,” cooed the remaining twin. “And your skin tone.” He twitched aside the wrapping over the baby’s head. “And my ears.”

A baby half-Elf.

He had been inside her. He had come out of her. But she was already considering what a mess she would have on her hands if she raised him herself. How much this baby would  _ get in her way. _

And she considered how he already had a loving parent. Already devoted to this infant’s care. How the father would have less… missing… when she finished her plans.

And she considered how  _ busy _ the father and horde of adoptive uncles would be with this new life, and how she now had a perfect smokescreen for her plans.

She could begin as soon as she was able to move around.

And she could continue as long as she didn’t ponder the consequences.

“What’s his name?” asked the father.

Lucretia blurted the first name to come into her head. “Angus.”

“Angus,” Taako cooed. “When we find your aunty, she’s gonna be sooo surprised…”

She didn’t want to think about that.


	15. Chapter 15

Glamour Springs loved the show. Everyone said. Forty witnesses agreed. The Elf and his half-Human son were adorable together. The other guy was just… meh. He was plain, and didn’t know how to play to an audience like father and son.

“Of course we have a great many people to thank for bringing you our wonderful show, today,” said Taako. “Starting with Miller Labs, makers of the iceless ice-box, our food processor, and the slow cooker which will be providing all of you wonderful people with my thirty clove garlic chicken.”

Sazed stepped onto the stage. Busying himself with the slow cooker.

The little boy noticed. “Mr Baker! What are you doing? That’s for the rats, not for the people, sir!”

Taako jumped, casting another spell. Bigsby’s hand, to hold fast onto Sazed.

“Yeah, Sazed. What are you doing?”

Angus pried a bottle out of Sazed’s hand. “It says ‘arsenic’ on the label. Did you put arsenic in our food, sir?”

Taako lifted up the lid. Sampled a spoonful. And immediately coughed. “Cleric! Cure poison…”

Those could have been his last words.

Witnesses restrained Sazed when he tried to run. Some soothed the little boy when his father collapsed, vomiting, to the floor of the stage.

The Cleric Analyse said that Taako was doing save rolls by the time he got to the Elf. Cure poison and Greater Healing saved him from the brink, but he would still be a long time recovering.

Sazed Baker was busy blaming everyone but himself. He tried to claim that this was Taako’s plot. That this was the McDonald’s plot. That this was the Miller’s plot. He even tried to claim that a lich possessed him. But that didn’t stop him going to prison for attempted murder.

He could have killed everyone who was there for the show.

Analyse kept temporary custody of Angus while Taako lay recovering in his sickbed. Tended to his delirium.

“Tell y’r son he’s pretty han’some,” Taako slurred. “He’s ‘lowed t’ come in, I wanna kiss ‘im.”

“I don’t have a son,” singsonged Analyse. “There’s nobody else here but your son and I.”

“It’s true, Papa. It’s you and me and Cleric Analyse.”

“...he’s sayin’ I died eight times… nev’r died once, I think…”

“Is Papa gonna die?” asked Angus.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” said Cleric Analyse. And then she cast a powerful jolt of Sleep.

Taako didn’t see any more handsome men during his recovery. Something he seemed vaguely disappointed about. His recovery took him and his show into winter, and the Stage Wagon had to rent space in someone’s barn. Taako himself worked at the local inn to pay for it. Assisted by his son when he weakened and needed to rest.

The Glamour Springs inn had never had better food. But thanks to the rumour mill and Sazed’s wildly random accusations, it had also never had poorer custom.

Taako was suddenly bad for business.


	16. Chapter 16

Lucretia had it all planned. Had perfect places for all of them. Taako had his two-week-old son and a Stage Coach and a show for the fame he truly deserved, and the chance to go wherever he wanted and thereby satiate his itchy feet.

She hadn’t resisted the temptation to leave her son the name she had given him.

Magnus had a place of employment with the best artisans in Faerun. He would fit right in with the other craftsmen in Ravensroost.

Merle had his place on the beach. The tribe of Beach Dwarves would welcome him in with open arms. Forgive his fuzzy memory patches in the beginning and give him a place to belong in short order. Everything was perfect for him. For them.

As for the unanticipated disasters…

Barry had essentially vanished without a trace. It worried her immensely. He’d disappeared of the face of the planet. Just like Lup.

And her Captain… Davenport… Was a shell. She couldn’t leave him anywhere or with anyone. They wouldn’t give him the kindness he needed. She would have to keep him close. Look after him.

But at least he wouldn’t slow her down like an infant would.

Lucretia steered the ship to the special rendezvous point. Where she would meet with Julian Miller and truly begin her plans to save this world from the mess that she and her crewmates had made.

Lup would never have wanted the Relics to cause this much strife. This much damage.

And it was because of her that she was doing this. Saving her friends/family. Saving everyone.

Lucretia plotted some details with the Millers. Already drawing up plans to recover her staff.

This, she could think about. Devote herself to. Throw every caution and precaution into the plan. Develop systems. Build a base. Build an organisation.

Become the head of the Bureau of Balance.


	17. Chapter 17

It had been years since Jess had laid eyes on the Magic Cooking Elf. And now his kid was trying to flag down passing wagons for help.

“Are you Angus?” she asked. “Taako’s kid?”

The boy smiled despite his tear-streaked face. “Yes, ma’am, that’s me. Angus Taakoson. Boy, am I glad someone recognises me without my Papa. He’s… I dunno. Something went bad and he’s kind’a… he’s gone strange, ma’am. And I’m real scared.”

Of course the other fighters in the WWE had heard of Taako. Lots of them remembered his magnificent food.

They found the Elf sort of seated in a clearing where he had pulled up his show wagons for the night. He was still in his nightwear, still in the pigtails he had worn to bed. He had evidently left the caravan to start breakfast and dropped to his knees.

Because someone had come in the night and ruined his business. Set a fire in the Stage Coach and vandalised everything. The  _ Sizzle it Up! _ promotional picture had been done over in Fantasy Spraypaint. Crudely drawn vomit coming from Taako’s painted smile. The word  _ Sizzle _ had been painted over with  _ POISON. _ Everything that couldn’t be smashed or bashed had been burned. And to add insult to injury, the word  _ POISONER _ was writ large across the caravan, too.

And they’d stolen his horse.

“Shit,” summarised Jess. She walked over to Taako and put her hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, dude.”

Taako burst out wailing. “I can’t… I can’t… I just wanna die…”

There was no way that  _ Sizzle it Up! _ was going to make a quick comeback from this. Or maybe any kind of comeback.

Someone put their cloak around Taako’s shoulders. Others started rummaging through the wreckage.

“It’s my fault,” said Angus. “I’m the one who suggested a sleeping draught. And we both took it last night. Papa was… he… he hasn’t been resting at all, ma’am. He’s been haunted by what nearly happened in Glamour Springs. About what Mr Baker did and said. It’s been real hard for him, lately, and… I thought it would help.” Angus lifted his glasses to wipe his face. “I had some, too. To show Papa it was safe. And I just let--”

“No, Baby, no…” Taako cooed, reaching for his son. Reeling him in. “No, no, no. No. Don’t think like that, pumpkin. No. It wasn’t your fault. It was the assholes who decided to do this. Not you. Not me. Just them. They made the bad choice.”

“But if--”

“No, no, no. Can’t think like that, sugarplum.” Taako rocked with his boy. Held him tight. Kissed him softly. “Blame the people who did this, okay?”

Jess looked to her people. They were coming up with a whole lot of nothing. “Bad news, good news,” she said. “Bad news - Your Stage is fucked. Good news - We got your back.”

“...what’m I gonna tell the McDonalds?” he whimpered.

“Don’t worry about it,” soothed Jess. “You just feed us until we get you to Rockport.”

“Yeah,” said ‘Bruiser’ Tullio. “We’ll even re-paint your caravan.”

It was twelve towns until they hit Rockport. Taako stayed out of public view and let Angus do the serving. Better that than be accused of poisoning again.

The WWE manager liked his cooking so much that he farewelled Taako with, “If you ever need a job, remember us, okay?”


	18. Chapter 18

One down. Six to go. The problem was that her attempt to retrieve the next one had been a massive failure. She couldn’t run that kind of risk again. She couldn’t afford the price it cost.

Those who she had already gathered near her helped her come up with the next plan. A bigger Bureau. More people in more areas of expertise.

The strongest. The fastest. The most cunning. Those with the strongest willpower. Those with… unique skill sets.

Sooner or later, her organisation had to win one. Had to retrieve a Relic and live to tell the tale with their minds intact.

Lucretia knew exactly what she needed most, but they were out in the world. Irretrievable.

At least. They were until Fisher gave them a little surprise.

Now she had backup.

Now she could bring her friends back.

Now she had a chance.


	19. Chapter 19

The wizard in the corner was seemingly transmuting shit for fun. Seemingly, because the “Damnit!”s were getting progressively louder. The cleric was trying to recruit teenagers. Magnus peeked under the brim of the large hat to see a face he recognised. A beautiful face. Thinner than he recalled. And his hair was a dark black for some reason.

“Ohmygosh. Taako? Are you  _ the _ Taako?”

“No, I’m  _ a _ Taako. We come in six packs now,” said the Elf. He seemed on edge. Waiting for something or someone to pounce. And he had a few traces of Blight around his neck. He hadn’t been getting a lot of good rest.

“Well, we need a wizard if we’re going to beat these guys to the Kreg’s List ad, and you’re a wizard. You could help us out.”

“Sure whatever. This gig. What’s it pay?”

“Uh,” Magnus didn’t like the wording, but repeated it anyway. “It said ‘the last job you’ll ever need’... and I’m desperate enough to go for it, so… you in?”

Taako checked his pocket-watch. Sighed. “Fine. Let’s get this over with.” And proceeded to help them win the day.

“Say,” said Magnus. “Didn’t you have a kid with you?”

Taako’s mismatched eyes went to the teen-obsessed Dwarven cleric. Sized up Magnus like a Tabaxi calculating exactly how much they could skin him for. Math may or may not have manifested around his head, but he eventually said, “No.”


	20. Chapter 20

Merle did not trust the Elf. Sure, he was a competent enough wizard, but he had been stealing shit for the entire damn adventure. His pack bulged and jingled with loose coin, and only Zone of Truth had made him confess it.

He was glad he was a light sleeper, because he was certain that this ‘Taako’ or whatever he called himself would steal the skin off of Merle’s body if he got half a chance. So Merle kept a wary eye on him as they made their way back to Phandalin.

“So is that real silver?”

“You can’t take it off of her,” growled Merle. “It’s a permanent fixture.”

There was no witty riposte. The Elf’s attention was elsewhere. Out on the plains on the way to Phandalin. A featureless expanse of very little indeed, and one out-of-control Traveller’s caravan. Driverless. Careening across the untamed ground.

“MY BABY!”

Taako was up from his usual indolent lounging and actually ran across the backs of the oxen pulling this cart. This was unprecedented levels of activity from a thief of a wizard who was ‘good out here’.

Killian, too, was agog. “Y’know,” she said, “That thing’s just about garish enough to be his.”

“We should help him,” said the Fighter. Magnus.

“He must really love that caravan,” said Merle.

It was something of a shock to see Taako flip over the panicked horse like a Minoan jumping a bull. Let alone twist in midair and land on its back to pull at the reins. But even then, he didn’t stop. He was up and into the inside of the caravan. Calling for someone.

By the time Merle got there, there were low voices carrying on a conversation inside. Magnus was repairing the failed brake, and Killian was rubbing down the lathered horse. But what got Merle’s attention was the plurality inside the caravan.

Two voices.

One youthful, the other Taako’s. Talking in a language that was… not quite Elven.

So he pulled down the step and opened the door.

There, in the middle of the mess and upset, was Taako, and a half-Elven boy. Darker than Taako, but unmistakably Taako’s son.

Taako wrapped his arms around his boy and snapped, “You’re not laying a  _ finger _ on him. I still know enough cantrips to make the rest of your shortened life  _ painful _ if you try.”

Merle, still trying to absorb the scene, blurted, “Taako has a  _ kid?” _

Magnus opened up the other door. “Whoooaaaaahhh… and I thought you were gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.”

“Still am,” sighed Taako. “Uncle Irma will do interesting things to your life.”

Merle, for once, put two and two together pretty quickly. Luume’irma was one of those things that stuck in the brain. “Hey kid. Quick question. How old are you?”

“Don’t tell that man a thing. Don’t look at him. Don’t smile when he’s in the room. Always keep me between yourself and him,” Taako said. All in one breath. All as fast as he could get the words out.

And now the animosity he felt towards Taako was tainted with jealousy. Imbued. Saturated. This thief of an Elf, this corpse-robber and foul-mouthed charlatan… was better father than Merle had ever been. It was clear in everything that was strewn around the trailer, because it was all the kid’s stuff. His books. His clothes. While Taako was down to maybe three outfits that had once fit a better-stuffed frame. “I’m not going near your brat,” he growled.

“You’d better fuckin’ not,” said Taako.

“Okay. Okay. Let’s clear the air,” said Magnus. “Taako? This is why you stole that gold, right?”

“Well, yeah. And I like to eat, too. Just FYI.”

Magnus carefully didn’t mention the Leapin’ Loafers. “And Merle… you… won’t be skeevy to this kid, right?”

“I could cast Zone of Truth,” he offered. “But I’d still promise that my interest in teens is purely evangelistic.”

“Yeah fuck off, I’ve met a few evangelicals who weren’t that angelic.”

“Much though I’d  _ love _ to resolve these issues,” said Killian. “Can. We. Goooo? Angry Dwarf headed for Phandalin? Fire and ruin? Any of this ringing a bell?”

“Papa, are you in trouble?” said the little half-Elf boy.

Taako straightened up his son in a nervous frenzy. “Baby… There’s big trouble and we’re the ones that donked everything up big. So we have to fix it. And… it’s real dangerous. Stay the fuck outta Phandalin, Angel. And-- if anything happens to me…”

The boy joined with the chorus. “...grab the valuables, deny everything, and head for the hills.”

“That, and take full advantage of that nice family in Rockport. They love you. Suck ‘em dry.”

Ugh. Kid was a chip off the old block. Sort of. He seemed bored and irritated by this routine. He might still have honest bones in that small body. The way he sighed, rolled his eyes, and said, “Yes, Papa,” spoke volumes about his intent to not do all of that.

“I’ll try to be back, Baby. Stay safe.”

“You too, Papa.”

A final embrace, and the last he saw of the kid was him driving the caravan towards the Neverwinter side of Phandalin. Ready to make his escape, if necessary.


	21. Chapter 21

For the first time in ten years, the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet went off. She saw it from her place in her grand hearing room. Where her Bureau insisted she needed to be in order to run everything. Davenport, always by her side, saw it too.

“No,” he whispered.

She levered herself up to her feet, Bulwark Staff firm in her hand, and made her way to Scrying and Observations. “I saw a light,” she said. “Is it one of the relics?”

They already had a viewing orb up. Showing a replay of what happened. Four tiny figures ran towards a well. One had the target icon that marked them as one of her Seekers. They jumped in. And then Phandalin went up in a circle of fire and heat. And all was glass. Still cooling.

“Oh Gods,” she whispered. “The gauntlet.”

“Sadly so, Director.”

Was it Lup down there? Amnesiac and lost? Had Killian found her? “Status on our Seeker?”

“She has temporary local allies. We have some names. Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, and Taako… no other name. They’re adventurers who’ve just… blundered into everything else.” The scryer looked up from their cards. “They seem fairly incompetent.”

_ If you knew what I know… _ “And Killian?”

“Life signs register as unconscious, but healthy.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. One agent that didn’t have to be erased. They already had to do the grim deed for Brian. Losing Killian would have been… rough. She was one of the Bureau’s best Seekers. “Let me know the instant the signal or the situation changes.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. This is the chapter, where you -my loyal readers- will want to kill me. Given the reaction to Chapter 19, I'm certain of this.
> 
> So I'm putting this up here. For those of you who want to avoid spoilers and read the story as it happens, I've encoded the spoilers with Rot13. For those of you who don't care and want to know things now... here come the Spoilers:
> 
> Nathf vf bxnl, guvf vf n snxr-bhg. Ur jvyy erghea gb gur aneengvir va gjb zber puncgref.
> 
> Please save your money for nice things and don't start a kickstarter to get me assassinated or whatever.

The Elf was screaming. He was screaming a name. “ANGUS! ANGU-U-US! ANGUS TAAKOSON YOU COME HERE RIGHT NOW!”

The only reply was the echo of his voice against the hills.

The air was ash. The floor was black glass.

Of the three chucklefucks that had decided to join her, only one had joined in with this calling. The Dwarf was seated grumpily on the glass by her side. Grumbling to himself.

Magnus, on the other hand, was bellowing, too. “ANGUS! OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE! C’MON, KID!”

Taako was getting close to the gauntlet, and the Dwarven corpse it rested on.

“Stay away from that thing!”

Too late. He was listening to it.

“Ultimate revenge, huh? Sounds cool. What else can you do?”

“Magnus! Get him away from the glove!” Killian tried to regain her footing, but the glass was slick. It was tough to run. She was too late. Too slow. This was going so bad. So very, very bad.

“I want my boy back, you son of a bitch,” said Taako. He picked the glove up. Knocked the crumbling hand of Gundren Rockseeker out of it…

And put it in his pack.

“What the fuck?” she said. “You resisted its thrall?”

When he looked her in the eyes, his mismatched eyes were dead. Devoid of feeling. Devoid of the will to live. But not, alas, devoid of thick tears that streaked his ash-stained face. “It can’t give me what I want,” he said, voice thick with loss. “My son is dead.” He pointed to something on one side of the perfect circle of glass. Where the horse she had once soothed was a charred corpse, and the harness for a pretty little Traveller’s caravan still smouldered. “I’ve got nothing to live for, now.”

Magnus spotted it, too. Even Merle, who seemed to hate everyone, said, “Oh shit…”

Killian was still trying to process the fact that all three of these idiots were resisting the thrall of a  _ Grand fucking Relic. _ “You three have to come with me,” she said. “I can explain everything, just… after I get you to where I need to go. Okay?”

Merle said, “How can we trust you?”

Magnus said, “We’ve no reason not to trust her.”

Taako said, “I don’t care.” He shrugged. “Either she kills us or we find shit out. Whatever.”

If he had the ability that the Bureau needed, then Killian was instantly worried about his continued lifespan. This was a broken being. Looking for a corner to die in.

She summoned the transit orb anyway. Hoping for the best.


	23. Chapter 23

Now she saw it. The full extent of what she had done to them. The damage she had wrought. Merle, the peacemaker, the man who had faced his death and tried to bargain with the Hunger so very many times, was now a closed and distrustful man. Guarded. Tight-lipped. Cold and empty.

Magnus… Shit. Magnus had always been the baby of the crew, but now he had grown into his muscles and tempered his bravado. He had wrinkles now, and that was downright unnatural. There was a pall of sorrow over him, as well as a brace of scars that he must have earned during the decade she had left him in the wild. So to speak. And he towed Taako behind him.

Taako… and nobody else.

Her heart sank.

She knew without asking. Without saying a word. Just a look in his mismatched eyes was enough. The tear tracks on his face said more than words ever would. Lucretia still hoped and prayed that it wasn’t true… but there was worse, yet.

Taako, the head chef and lover of every flavour, had lost a scary amount of weight. Gone was the slightly plump enthusiast who could tell you almost everything that went into a meal. Gone was any hint of enthusiasm at all.

And despite all of this, she had to stick to the script. “Welcome, the three of you, to the Bureau of Balance…” She explained everything. Pretending it was all normal. That it was natural to see Taako so hollow and his eyes so empty. He didn’t even protest his place in the test. Just shrugged and said, “Whatever.”

It was only when she got to the destruction of the Relic that he came alive. And then, he was  _ terrifying. _ Rage fit to become a sun filled his eyes. And he was the most loquacious he had been since his arrival aboard the Bureau campus.

“I want to watch,” he’d said. “I want to spit in its ashes. I want to see it  _ die, _ and die  _ slowly. _ If I have to fling it into fucking lava, I will. I’ll dive in there with it if I have to. I want to see it  _ melt. _ I want to hear it  _ scream!” _

“Taako…” said Magnus. “That… that isn’t necessary.”

He whirled on Magnus, eyes blazing with anger, face once again wet with mourning. “That  _ thing _ killed my  _ son!” _

Hearing it said out loud tore her in two. Her own eyes became wellsprings. She found her knees weak. They would not believe, looking at her now, that Angus was hers. Was he even still named Angus? She had left the shirt with hopes, but she had surrendered her parental rights the instant she had let go of his tiny body. She said, “I’m sorry for your loss. It must have been horrible to see.”

Taako imploded. She hadn’t seen him like this since Idiot World. “I didn’t. I didn’t fucking see a thing. I was down a goddamn well. I was down a  _ fucking _ well and I couldn’t keep him safe.”

What she called the Misdirection Orb arrived, care of Davenport, and she walked them verbally through the process that would let them see the Relic go away.

Taako took the gauntlet out of his pack and rammed it in like he wished he could punch the world. He neither blinked nor flinched as the dazzling display seemed to immolate the Gauntlet into non-existence. He looked into the hot orb with eyes as empty as it was.

“Disappointing,” he said. He still spat in there, but it lacked any emotion. “I don’t care what the deal is, I’m down for whatever. Nobody else should die because of those things.”

She kept tabs on him. Maintaining a professional distance as befit the Director. But taking a deep, personal interest in the welfare of her three newest reclaimers and her oldest friends.

It took him two days to crawl into the bottle. Three more to get into smoking Fluff.

She couldn’t mourn a child she hadn’t thought about in ten years.

This was bad.

This was fucking bad.


	24. Chapter 24

Magnus swore he was the only one worried about Taako. Dude had been imbibing some of Pringles’ fuck-up potions and was amazingly steady despite the constant diet of Dankest Pit moonshine, triple Fluff, and the best that Pringles had to offer.

His attitude, if you could call it that, was one of suicidal disinterest.

He didn’t care.

That was why Merle had taken the seat at the brake. Magnus had screamed for Merle to pull the brake. Taako did not. He watched the entire thing unfold with an idle form of curiosity.

He had fought with the slugs and not cared as he sank below the slime. He had saved Merle. He had saved Magnus. And when Magnus pulled him up out of it, the look in his mismatched eyes was one of betrayal.

It quickly seagued back to disinterest.

Until they got on the train.

Magnus and Merle were both having fun at the expense of Jenkins. Taako was off in his own mental dimension. Vacant.

Until a small voice from a seat said, “Papa?”

Taako’s eyes went wide. His rare attention devoted to the occupant of one seat.

A fancy boy who had been reading a book until a few seconds ago, also had wide-open eyes. His fancy cap hid the points of his half-Elven ears.

Magnus knew that face.

Angus. Who was supposed to be dead.

_ Oh shit. _

Taako was about to break their cover.

Magnus nudged Merle. “Inkthay astfay. Eeway otgay an oblempray,” he said out the side of his mouth.

Taako said something in another language. The kid responded in kind.

Merle leaped forwards. Cast Calm Emotions. In his terrible Scottish accent. Asked politely for Jenkins to help them get their companion to their sleeper. He was having another one of his Turns. And added, “You, lad. Justin seems tae find some comfort in yer presence. We can guarantee yer safety, o’ course. It shouldn’t take but a moment.”

“Of course, sir,” said the boy. “There’s nothing at all wrong with three grown strangers accompanying a small boy into a sleeper car.”

“We’ll pass the paparazzi on the way,” said Taako in a dreamy voice.

It was a hurried exit to privacy, where Taako didn’t even wait for the door to close before he wrapped up Angus in his arms and fell to somewhere between laughing and crying.

Angus wasn’t far behind.

There were a lot of, “I thought you were dead,”s. There was a lot of kissing and hugging.

And - relief of reliefs - Taako came back to life.

“Okay,” allowed Magnus. “What the fuck?”

“I was thrown from the cart, sir, and half my clothes were burned, I… I’m sorry, but I concluded that you could not have survived. So… I went straight for Rockport. And. The McDonalds were dead. But they had left me as their legal next of kin.”

“So we’re rich?” Taako grinned.

“Not quite, Papa. You’d have to come forward as my legal guardian and… you know… the trouble with Glamour Springs.”

“Ugh,” Taako rolled his eyes. “Hokay. So what’s the full sitch?”

“I can legally lay claim to the McDonald fortune at my majority, so long as I use the McDonald name. If I can fully clear you from the… trouble, then you can come forward and tell them that the rumours of your death are greatly exaggerated. Unfortunately, getting the truth out of Mr Baker is…”

“Like squeezing milk out of a rock,” finished Taako. “Yeah. Bastard.”

“The good news is that I solved the McDonalds’ murders and put those responsible away. And the Rockport City Watch have… Well, they’ve become invested in my wellbeing.”

“...first time the law’s been on  _ our _ side…” Taako muttered.

“My side, Papa. You’re still technically an outlaw who is missing, presumed dead.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. C’mon, Baby. Get to the meat of this deal.”

“I’m on the trail of a killer named the Rockport Slayer…”


	25. Chapter 25

By the Gods, it was good to see Taako back. Smiling. The change was almost shocking. Covered only by her relief that he was back. “What  _ happened _ down there?”

“My boy’s alive,” singsonged Taako, grin wide on his face. “Sure, there’s a legal tangle and shit, but… he’s being  _ cared _ for. He’s all right.” A deep sigh. “He’s okay. He’s fine. And that’s everything that matters. ‘Course, I’m gonna have to have a lotta shore leave. Check on my boy now and then. He’s solving  _ murders, _ can you believe it? I mean, I knew he was the smartest kid in the world. Gods know how, I mean, I’m a fucking  _ dullard. _ Must take after the other gene donor, you dig?”

Ouch. That stung. But then, she had abandoned her child. “Please… don’t sell yourself short.”

“Come  _ on, _ Madame D. I keep thinking I can make a deal out of this life. I keep thinking I can wind up somewhere closer to the top. I can’t even call my son mine in public without winding up in fucking jail because of some shit that some other loser actually did. I’m never getting out of the goddamn gutter and I should  _ know _ this, but I keep on trying anyway! At least my boy doesn’t-- my boy…” He laughed a laugh that came from the pits of despair. “He’s not Taako’s son any more. So of course he’s making it.”

Oh, fucking hell, she had done one  _ hell _ of a job on him. She’d destroyed his soul by erasing Lup. Ruined his self-confidence by ruining half of his life.

“Taako...” she chided. 

“Yeah. Right. Nobody needs my problems. Let’s do the thing to the thing.” This time, he was downright jaunty, flipping the Oculus into the sphere. Blowing a kiss to the orb as the show played out. “Sayonara, fucknuts,” he said.

And for a little while, all was good. Taako was invested in training. He practiced his sharp wit like a cat stropping its claws on the furniture. She was disturbed to hear that Taako had decided to pick on Leon, of all people. And absolutely  _ blast _ the cafeteria staff over the quality of food that they produced.

He even spent an hour or three teaching and cooking at the same time. Running his words so fast that hardly anyone could keep up. Just like Bland World all over again. The one where he introduced an entire planar system to  _ flavour profiles _ instead of searching for the Light.

Meanwhile, this revelation helped explain why this same child from the surface kept popping up in her scout reports.

Something had to be done and something had to be done non-lethally.

She really didn’t want to think about the inevitable conclusion she was creeping steadily towards.


	26. Chapter 26

If there was anything scarier than Taako with nothing to live for, it was Taako with everything to fight for. He brought out all of his biggest guns against every other wagon in the race. Dispatched them all with brutal efficiency. Used Klarg against an opponent with barely a care. As if everyone and everything else could go to hell because he already had everything he wanted.

Merle was appropriately frightened, but the good point was that Taako was still on their side.

Well, maybe  _ nominally _ on their side. His ire against the Relics had not ebbed one mote. Therefore his devotion to the plan was deep, manic, and fueled with a rage that hid under a thin veneer of sarcastic jibes and witty barbs sharper than any blade.

The look in his eyes when he made things explode was something that Merle would have nightmares about for the rest of that year.

It was far much more a leap of faith that had him jumping from a battle wagon. And far much more of a surprise that he got rescued in the nick of time by one of Taako’s spells. A magnificent spectral steed with just as much a gung-ho attitude towards danger as his caster.

And the expression on his half-covered face when he used the Wand of Switcheroo to win the race… That was not the expression of someone who was in it for the laughs. It was that of a man who had something to prove, and was going to grind everyone’s face in it on the way.

Given his rant about staying in the gutter, there had to be some extra motivation in there. For once, just once, he was going to be a winner. To be able to say it. That he was a winner. Just once.

And then it all went to shit.

The Raven went berserk, surrendering to the thrall of the Gaia sash. Hurley went after her and the battle went sour. Worse than sour.

And that fucking Umbrastaff almost made it worse. Blowing fire all over the place. 

Whether or not it was the work of Taako was… some matter of debate.


	27. Chapter 27

“Welcome, Mr McDonald, to the Bureau of Balance,” said Lucretia. She could not say that she was proud of him. Taako had done all the hard work. Taako had done all the fretting and worrying and staying up late.

Gods, he looked like her. Only the interference of Wonderland had made the connection less obvious. If she was still her real age…

All the same, she could feel Angus’ eyes ticking over her features. Comparing them with the ones he saw in a mirror on a daily basis. He waited politely for her speech to be finished and said, “I beg your pardon, ma’am, but do you… or did you… have a daughter? One who… might have run away with an Elf?”

This was a dangerous lad to have on the moon. Very dangerous. And like Taako said, he took after his mother. Scary smart, yes, but his perception came directly from his father. Sharp. Observant. Clever. Taako must have moved heaven and earth to make sure he was well-read.

Lucretia turned away. Sick that she once thought that he would be in her way. Sick that she now thought of him as another asset to use.

“I’d… rather not talk about it,” she said. “Obviously, you’ve done well. And… I can’t show favouritism. As far as anyone knows, you’re…” she choked on the words, “just another employee.” She collected herself. Made play of wiping her eyes. “I can make sure you have access to any education you desire. Preferred accommodations, if you’d like to live with y--”

“I can live with Papa? Please can I live with Papa? He’d love it! I’d love it! We’d both love it! It would be so super fine! Please can I? Can I?”

Distraction worked. It worked well. Lucretia smiled faintly. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Can we surprise him? That would be super cool. I don’t get to surprise Papa so much, and it would be so good.”

“Well,” she said, “now I  _ have _ to arrange it…”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you wondering - I don't cover the things that are more or less the same as cannon. Hence, the big leaps now.

Taako tried to be as quiet as possible, returning to his quarters. Kravitz could tell by the way he took exaggerated pains not to make a noise. Whispering to his Cloak of the Manta Ray as he hung it up. He was trying not to wake his boy.

Too bad Kravitz had already done that.

“I caught an intruder, Papa.”

Taako sighed and turned on the lights. “Hail and well met, handsome. It’s okay, Angus. He’s… it’s official business.”

“He said you’d died,” said Angus.

Taako bit his lip. “Yeah. I have. It’s complicated. There was this town stuck in time, and we had to figure out how to end the loop, and there were all these explosions and stuff… So yeah. I did die. And that’s on me. I was… I was too dumb to figure it out fast enough. If you were there…” He swore. “I don’t even want to think about you being there, Baby.”

And the Reaper felt sympathy for this… criminal-of-sorts. He couldn’t remember his eight prior deaths. He couldn’t help the eleven more he had racked up in Refuge.

Kravitz looked on at father and son. The former trying to soothe the latter into returning to rest. Meditation or sleep, whichever worked. Felt a pang of jealousy for the child. An inkling of curiosity as to how it might feel to have that much care turned his way.

_ All my Reapers swear fealty forever, _ the Raven Queen had said,  _ All find reasons to beg their leave. You too will leave, my son. And may it be for love. _

“Perhaps we should talk at a more convenient time,” allowed Kravitz. “I am here without leave from my Goddess, after all. I should wait for a formal warrant. If there is one.”

“Playing hooky, huh? I like it.” Taako got out his Stone of Farspeech. “Give me your frequency, gorgeous. I can call you when I have one figured out.”

He told himself it was business. He told himself that the laws of life and death could not be flaunted. He told himself that this was not going to be a date. This was not going to get serious.

Kravitz, however much he told himself that, could feel the lie. Even then.


	29. Chapter 29

“So the plan has failed,” said Davenport. “We take off in the Starblaster and try again at the next opportun--”

There was a wand under his nose.

Taako’s wand.

Attached to a furious Taako. “Do. Not. Order me. To abandon. My  _ son. _ We stay and fight. We find a way.”

Davenport looked at the boy. One of the few who tried his best to treat his erased self like a person instead of a pet. He’d liked this child. And he’d just… decided to write this kid and his whole world off. In a heartbeat. He couldn’t look him square in the eye and give him the same rationale he had been using for the best-remembered portions of his life. For the one hundred years he’d been running from the Hunger.

“Please don’t leave us to fight this alone?” he asked.

He could not rationalise the cold arithmetic to this boy.

“All right,” he said. “Anyone with better plans?”

“We’re going to need some backup to deal with the soldiers,” offered Lup.

“We can’t seal off this plane,” said Merle. “What if we seal off  _ that _ plane?” He pointed his wooden arm up to where the oncoming storm threatened the sky.

“We’d break every bond it has,” said Barry.

“But we need to recover the bond with at least one other plane so that its isolation is no longer in effect,” added Lup. She was looking over the edge. “Taako? I have an idea.”


	30. Chapter 30

After the war. After they won. After the storm passed… Taako gathered his family close. Son. Brother-in-law. Sister. Held all of those he could hold tight. Not planning to let go. So grateful that he had them.

The whole world knew. They knew all of the story. Even the part where Sazed decided to be a jealous asshole and try to poison an entire town.

He was cleared. He was no longer a suspect and the whole world knew it.

And it also helped that he’d saved the world.

So they were allowed to take some hours and just… lie on a grassy hillside. Within easy touch -or nearly touch- of each other. And, in Taako’s case, try to get used to feeling whole again.

A shadow fell over his eyes. He looked.

Kravitz in his fleshy form. Devastatingly handsome as always. Looking nervous and uncertain. “Uh,” he said, “Um,” and, “Er,” and finally, “Am I… welcome?”

Taako reached up to take his hand, and dragged him down into the heap. “Very welcome, m’man.” And then he started a kiss with the Angel of Death.

He had twelve years of feeling complete to catch up on.

 

END!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me, dear readers. This marks the first time that I haven't had a completed story waiting in the wings to begin posting on the day after I finished posting the last one. Have no fear, I'm working on it.
> 
> It's just that a novel I'd written had imploded (12k words lost!) and I'm trying to catch up on finishing it again whilst also writing the novel I'm writing this year. That plus a rheumatism flare up has had me taking my time with everything I do. Fun. Not.
> 
> Full details of my life shenanigans are available daily at https://internutter.org as well as links to fresh daily flash fictions and all the other folderol I get up to. Your comments have meant the world to me during this run.
> 
> This story has spawned 3 plotbunnies, and the one I'm working on currently has managed to generate four. So far. If anyone wants to run with any of my plotbunnies, y'all can look them over here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BjGBO71GuvFf4N_D3MfmvHH5xXfCWzHmPXIdOz1j_Eo/edit?usp=sharing   
> just credit me and let me know if you want to run off with one. I'd love to see what you do with it.
> 
> And no, this won't stop me from doing my thing with any of those. Just FYI.


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